^^; Bit more feedback again, please.

Because let's face it - the Role-Playing aspect didn't exactly take off

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ElvenAngel
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^^; Bit more feedback again, please.

#1 Post by ElvenAngel » Fri Dec 14, 2007 9:46 pm

I've gotten 'feedback' (insert sarcastic scoff here) from paranoid fangirls about this OC of mine, because she's a girl in the DMC-verse. *facepalm*

Anyway, I'd like to hear the opinion of other people too. I'm very fickle about the issue of 'mary sues' and I don't want my character to be one. *gags* So, I'm open to feedback and critique and above all helpful suggestions on improvement. :p

:p some introductory art, first...

She started as a cute 'Twig' when she was a teenager... (I blame the nickname on Dante).
Image

And look what she grew into:
Image

Yup, all grown up into a teasing, very much 'no touch or die' young lady. >_>; Bad Tess.

And now her actual stats and facts. Please leave some feedback. Pleeeease.
===============================================

1. Full/Real Name:
Stephany 'Tess' Templar
Tess maintained her mother's maiden name because her father forbade her to ever use his last name.

2. The name she is mostly called:
Tess

3. Nickname(s):
Twig
Bones
(All courtesy of Dante. She says she hates them, but she's lying)
Celia Rhiannon (A nickname she used for the time she lived in hiding. Within her coven, among the witches she's on less better terms with, she is still known as Celia)

4. Age:
26 (in her first appearance: 16)
Birthday - October 30th (Hallows Eve)
Zodiac: Scorpio (As a Scorpi, she has quite some emotional energy beneath a calm exterior. She is dignified and reserved, with a disarming, mischievous flare just under the surface. She has strong will and resolve and while she dwells upon her thoughts and emotions a lot, rarely does she make these retrospects known.)


5. Species:
Human wiccan/firestarter.

6. Origin/Heritage:
Caucasian; American and later Italian citizenship.
Anglo-Saxon (Celtic?) and about a quarter Mediterranean (Italian) with a little old Gypsy roots from the side of her mother, and Scandinavian (Norwegian) from her father's.

7. He/She lives...
Used to live in the same city Dante did, when they were teenagers. She later had to move around quite a bit, to avoid being found and to better learn the wiccan arts. She was last seen in Ravenna, Italy. She later moved back to America.

8. Languages that she speaks:
Excellent English
Very good Italian
Tolerable French
Can read, speak and understand certain old wiccan tongues, but only to the neccesary degree of carrying out rites and spells.

9. Any special powers/Weapons: (This description applies to her adulthood, only)
Tess' powers are a little difficult to describe or put into a category due to their obscure mystical nature. She definitely is a capable witch. Her innate powers are attached to her subconscious and can even act on their own will. While not particularly helpful in direct combat, they can decide victory or defeat. She has an array of wiccan spells, incantations and skills at her disposal, powerful, but also very purpose-specific.

Her most significant ability is what many call 'Deep Sight': a rare form of intuition and second sight that can penetrate space and time, revealing past, present and future events through visions, voices, signs, dreams and states of trance. She can see and identify auras as well as illusions, while most demons' disguises don't fool her. Though she has virtually no control over this particular branch of her powers (except for maybe once when she showed another what she was seeing, but she isn't sure how that happened because she was under the effect of a strong drug), it is instigated that it has great capabilities. This incredible seer potential she has makes her very sought after by those seeking to use her power for their benefit.

Generally wiccans cannot compare to demons in raw power or might, but they have abilities to repel them, resist their powers, drive them away and even kill some of the minor hordes. They cannot use certain branches of wiccan powers on demons, such as cleansing and 'Fate Changing' powers. The only time witches have been known to be able to use enchantments of any type on demons is when they commit what is commonly known as 'devil's pact' with demons, selling their souls to the Underworld and binding to devils. This act grants a wiccan great power, but at the same time makes them forfeit that large branch of witchcraft known as 'Fate Changing' and includes all the archaic abilities and rituals of wiccan lore.

Although it is hard to confirm, perhaps due to her father being not a wiccan, but a changeling of some kind and having lived in the Underworld, Tess has the ability to effectively use certain witchcraft to an extent on demons without having bound herself to one. Since she doesn't need to bind to a demon, Tess can still use the 'Fate Changing' branch of witchcraft on demons and demon relics, to a certain extent. This of course depends drastically on the level of power of the demon and the rite used. She is very reluctant to use this ability recklessly, as a single error might cause a disastrous effect at the cost of her very soul.

She inherited most of her father's mysterious abilities to create and manipulate fire by sheer power of thought and will. The manifestations of fire can range from whips of flames, to hurled spheres of condensed fire, to conjuring torrents of fire as powerful as volcano. Due to the both wiccan and fiery aura she exudes, almost all kinds of fire entities are attracted to her, one manner or another. This can either strengthen her fire’s potency...or get her in trouble. Unlike her father though, Tess is still prone to being burned by her own fire if she becomes careless and cannot 'fuse' with, or 'become' fire or come in any physical contact with it. Compared to her father, again, Tess can only achieve a little less than half the power and force of fire than her father could. She seems to also have inherited none of his physical endurance. Apparently overtime he lost all changeling attributes and became entirely human before his death.

Where her physical capacities are concerned, Tess is first and foremost, entirely human. Therefore she is very much prone to injury as any human being and succumbs to all the human weaknesses, with only a slightly raised ability to withstand damage of mystical nature and just a bit more stamina. But long exposure to cold, especially of mystic or demonic nature, could easily kill her in just hours.

Because of her restless nature and dislike for stillness, Tess always worked out quite a bit and loves activity and action. She's agile, stronger than she appears to be and has more stamina than you'd expect from a woman like her, but nothing superhuman. As a testimony to her fitness and flexibility, she can also squeeze herself through tight passages and shafts and pull off some pretty crazy climbs and wall-hugging while bare-handed.

Unlike most witches, Tess has prepared herself for the occasion she will need to take matters into her hands and defend herself physically. She is quite able in bare-handed combat, and her speed agility and flexibility, honed from dance and swimming, make her a challenging hand-to-hand combatant. She had Roy as her tutor, and benefited from his vast experience, who encouraged her to adapt her fighting to the best of her abilities. She was not taught a formal martial art, but rather picked what suited her best from what she was taught and put it together in a mish mash that suited her abilities. In contrast to her half-fiend friend, Tess approaches fighting by drawing from her gypsy heritage and her natural grace, so her style edges a little with a sort of war dance, embedding elements of tae-kwon-do. She most notably uses fast impact kicks and a lot of dodging rather than blunt force, which allows her to get into position for either countering or dodging. She can attack very fast as proven by her stunning Dante once with a three-step kick that struck his stomach, chest and face in such a fast succession he wasn't able to stop her. (Not that it hurt him too bad, but it does sting the male pride part that a girl kicked his face like that!)

Although she never uses them regularly, she has been seen fighting with a whip, daggers or a staff, further indicating her preference in speed, dexterity and the advantage of fleeing rather than raw power or defense.

Despite her skills and her confidence, Tess recognizes her immense disadvantages in direct combat against demons and other physically powerful opponents, and prefers a more indirect approach, using her stealth, knack of 'making up things as she goes', trickery and her cunning against the dwellers of the Underworld to the edge of her mental capabilities.

(In her younger years, the constant resent and humiliation she endured from her grandmother and her own unresolved issues had caused Tess to subconsciously repress her full powers, making them very undeveloped for an adolescent wiccan. As a teenager, her witchcraft and firestarting were neither powerful, nor very controlled. Although she had enough skills, she lacked the experience and confidence to fight. But being constantly taunted and challenged by Dante got her motivated; and when certain events brought her to a breaking point, it was made obvious that her powers were a lot greater than they appeared to be.

But despite the underlying potential of her powers, Tess does not seem eager to dwell deeper into them. In her experience, too much power can bring about unwanted side-effects, and as she has witnessed such occasions, she would much rather keep her own stronger powers on reserve and under leash.)


10. Appearance and usual attire
Her family hails mainly from old Celtic and Norman lines, with a touch of North Italian from the side of her mother, and Scandinavian from her father's. This gives her an interesting blend of features.

Tess has an earthly, average physique, is moderately tall with small shoulders, has a rather thin waist and slightly wider hips that accommodate well-developed and sinewy legs, indicative of love for movement. She personally feels that her legs are 'rather knobby' because of numerous childhood scars (she led a slightly rough-and-tumble childhood) and hates her rough knees.

As a teenager she was notably skinny and described as 'puny' by other people and sometimes had a rather sickly look. Although growing up improved her physique, she still is rather small-structured compared to other people in the mercenary trade, most notably Dante. The top of her head barely touches his chin and he's always teasing her about it.

She has a naturally pale skin complexion (that tends to turn a very visible red on her face when she blushes) and her facial features are earthly and well-defined. Her pale skin is admittedly pretty but it also gives her trouble, especially in summer, when she can get really bad sunburns. It also bruises a lot and easily, much to her frustration. She has a rounded but strong jaw line that belies her determination and strength of character. Her cheekbones are set rather high, but not very prominent and her lips are fine and rather 'juicy'. Her nose is straight, Celtic and small-sized.

Taking directly after her late father and typical for some northern European populations, her hair is an impressive deep red color, generally kept short to chin-length and straight, usually parted slightly towards the right side of her face. When she was younger, her hair used to be longer and most of the time held up in a careless ponytail, or let loose. Her eyes are her most prominent physical feature, a deep green color, with long eyelashes. Since she doesn't talk a lot or speak about her feelings easily, eyes are her prime way of self-expression and whether she is inquisitively observing, mischievously teasing or angrily glaring at someone, her eyes leave a lingering impression that she sees right through the viewer. She doesn't (honestly) smile easily, but when she does, it’s quite a charming smile to see.

Her looks and style often make people (and demons) mis-judge her and not take her seriously as a mercenary, to her ocassional annoyance. Never obsessed with her looks or fashion, but above all, a girl at heart, Tess prefers practicality and simple elegance over following the latest trends to the word and 'whoring out' her looks, though she really won't say no to an outfit that looks good on her and she'd have an opportunity to wear. Her colors of choice are mostly black or dark colors, as she frowns upon very bright colors.

She chooses outfits based on practicality and comfortable fit, choosing shirts, tops, jeans and manageable skirts that don't constrict her movement. She dislikes clothes that show too much skin without necessity, like hot shorts, instead prefers slightly more classy short skirts or capri jeans. As swift and easy movement is important to her, she wears comfortable, black boots with low or no heel, that she's quite fond of. Paying attention to details is in her nature and she loves elegant Gothic-style accessories, like arm warmers, fishnet and lace details, jewelry, mainly of silver (wards off evil!) and a basic and simple dark make up, of course. Truly, a girl at heart!

Lastly, she has two or three tattoos: A pentacle of protection on her lower belly above her left thigh. She tattooed it there to be able to keep it out of sight when modesty demands--but it’s still viewable when she wears a low-rise enough skirt or jeans. She also has a small black ankh on her right ankle and a mostly invisible tattoo under her skin right between her shoulder blades. The tattoo is of a highly stylized thorny vine coiling around in a crude circle.

11. Hobbies:
Swimming (keeps her fit), collecting wiccan artifacts and books, music, movies, reading, sleeping for hours on end and dancing IF no one is around to watch; snooping around to find paranormal creatures or occurrences that need a boot in the hind.

12. Unusual/Weird/Funny Skills and Facts:
Making up excuses (although its not very hard to tell when she's lying)
Escaping from places and binding spells
Gives REALLY good back-rubs/massage (tends to make people babble their guts out to her, but it’s a secret! :P)
Thinking out of the box
She loves dancing and is actually very good at it, but is too embarrassed to dance before anyone and if someone catches her dancing, she usually 'freaks out'. (Dante and Roy usually take advantage of this for some laughs)
Blushes easily and A LOT. Sometimes you think she's going to pass out blushing--all that blood going to her head can't be good.
When she feels awkward, nervous or embarrassed, she has a habit of pestering her hair: usually curling a lock of her hair around her finger.
When she's upset, moody or mad over trivial issues, she tends to stay up late at night and bake cakes, muffins and other pastry that Roy names 'Hate Cakes', 'Emo Brownies', 'Misery Muffins' and other such names. According to her, the absurdity of the habit alone helps her calm down.
The nature of her Deep Sight is quite demanding on her mental health, and she often suffers from migraines and bouts of insomnia. As a result she's quite the messy sleeper...and yet a sleepy-head.
Her mercenary work password is 'Black Cat'.

13. Family and relatives:
Her parents, Sophie Templar, wiccan of the Templar family, and Eric Stramer, changeling 'Firestarter', are deceased. Since they died when she was very young, Tess' memories of her parents are vague, at best, but the feelings she got from their presence still have a firm hold on her.
Magda Templar, maternal grandmother, wiccan, married into the family. Surviving for the most of the story and eventually killed when Tess is 16.
Sergio II Templar, maternal grandfather, wiccan. Died of the Seal of End curse when he was 30.

14. Pets/familiars?
Roy
Mostly appears as a faithful cat familiar, but in reality he is an old djinn of the Sahara desert, known mostly as just Roy, he has been with the Templar family for several centuries and practically raised Tess (and in return she took the hell out of him).

He is a djinn of the northwest Sahara, once called 'King of the Sands' by nomad tribes. An embodiment of sand-storms, he's been with the family for more than 4 centuries. Technically he is free to leave at his whim, but he claims he has grown old looking after the Templars and 'isn't in the mood' to leave them yet. He's come to love the family as his own, but he won't admit it audibly.

Roy's most usual form is that of a Russian Blue cat with one eye but if he needs to, he can change into the form of a human man. He looks like a tall, lanky fellow in his early forties with the features of the Berber race: a somewhat dark complexion, short graying hair, gray eyes and usually wears sunglasses to conceal his scarred eye-socket and missing eye. In any form, he speaks with a rather persistent British accent he forgets where he picked up, despite his original birthplace being the Sahara.

In very rare occasions does he choose to revert to his real, djinn form and proper name: Abraxas. His form then is of a large dragon/lion hybrid with horns and scales along his legs. He looks intimidating, but he is actually a noble and peaceful creature, a wise djinn of mechanics who can construct masonry wonders in no time. Also makes a great handyman. When it comes to fighting, he is powerful, relentless and enduring. He has great physical strength and speed, capable of great pounces and a crushing bite thanks to a robust and muscular jaw and great fangs fit for a hunter. As a djinn of the desert, he commands winds and sandstorms and on occasion has released his fury as a sandstorm on a hostile djinn. He is pretty large in his natural form (topping 5 meters in height and nearly 8 in length, tail included) but he doesn't really like letting anyone, not even Tess, climb on his back. He gave Dante 'a lift' once, but it was an emergency and he prefers to pretend it never happened.

He's very patient and kind in his weird, rough way but a little grumpy and old-fashioned (it just makes him all the more lovable). When he gets very worried about Tess he turns almost obnoxiously protective. Tess loves teasing him. Roy is fiercely loyal to her but that never stops him from siding with Dante against her a lot of the time, picking on her, or just generally not letting her have her way, even if that means getting a little rough with her, especially when she gets stubborn.

He quite often has small 'friendly' spars with Dante but generally doesn't meddle in his affairs, unless there's something he can do to give his younger friend a pointer or a helping hand--or paw. He holds a certain degree of respect for Dante that is unrelated to the deep respect he has for Spadra's memory, but doesn't hesitate to argue with him or berate him for a justified reason (usually his attitude). For the most, he thinks Dante is a great fighter in his own merit, but at the same time he is a reckless, overgrown child and obnoxiously arrogant for his own good.

On occasion, the two have come to fight briefly and as Abraxas stated, 'both would end up dead' if they hadn't stopped. When Dante was a teenager, Roy repaired his handguns after they got badly damaged by a demon. Predicting the young man's future level of power, he secretly applied a bit of a blessing on the guns, to render them resilient enough for Dante's level of powers. So far, the guns' performance seems to do justice to Roy's skills as a gunsmith.

He has his own quirks too, which include an unexplained love for tangerines and Spanish tangerine cognac, and he's become quite the avid reader of Stephen King and Paolo Coelho.

15. Favorite color:
Black

16. Vehicle/means of getting around:
Her feet, and occasionally, her teleportation ability.
It’s a secret, but she owns a black Porche 911 Turbo and she's quite the agressive driver. She absolutely refuses to let anyone else drive her car.

17. Occupation:
Wiccan mercenary. Specializes in generic paranormal cases; not just demons, although her range is mostly restless spirits or haunting cases. She takes most of her 'jobs' by her own initiative. (She keeps in contact with Dante in case something is way out of her league. its not uncommon for them to swap cases).
Also works in coffee shops or bars, as she doesn't like being on a short money end and hates depending too badly on Roy.
Once, during a binge, she had a short stay in a fetish house as a boarding chiropractor: she 'revived' clients who'd had a little too much. She quit after the owner told her had the potential to be a great dominatrix. She got uneasy.

18. Type of Residence:
She likes medium-small, cozy places, away from busy areas, with enough storage space.

19. Sexual Preference:
Straight

20. Is he/she in love with someone? Or lust over someone?
She likes Dante (who doesn't?) but sometimes his behavior towards her makes her want to break something over his head. She calls it a 'complicated case of hate-like'. But never 'love'.

It’s never made quite clear and never, ever voiced but Tess does have feelings for Dante beyond friendship. She most likely might never admit these and it is unknown whether Dante is aware of it at all.
In the past she was quite intimate with a wiccan named Jacobo Amidio, who was also an alchemist. He even proposed to her and she had half a mind to accept but turned it down the very last minute, due to an intense bad feeling. She still can't explain what prompted her to refuse, but it was a too powerful sensation to ignore.

21. On a scale of 1 to 10, how social is he/she?
7

22. Does he/she have (a) best friend(s)?
As strange as it seems, she brands Dante with the tag of 'best friend'. And maybe he really is.
Roy is also her best friend; he's known her even before she was born.

23. Weaknesses:
Incantations
Binding spells
Long exposure to cold temperatures (this is part of her Firestarter heritage)
Spiders and bugs (she really hates them)
All the physical limitations of a human
The Seal of End curse.

24. Likes:
Sushi, salads, certain junk food, coke, tequila and she's a major vanilla enthusiast.
She loves music, classic literature (her favorite books are 'Pride and Prejudice' and 'The Black Cat'), Gothic and Victorian themes and anything related to wiccan culture and paganism.
She likes killing time by reading books and then sleeping on her couch, watching movies, hanging out with Dante (when he's not being annoying), getting back at Dante when he pesters her.
She likes independent European movie productions, and her favorite movies are 'Sleepy Hollow', 'Nightmare Before Christmas' and 'Ju-On'.
Her favorite perfume is Kenzo's 'Flower' (especially the limited 2002 'Glitter' Edition... she's such a girl sometimes). She likes plain cotton underwear with as less 'lacey crap' as possible and she actually likes men's boxers as shorts around her house too. Her favorite pair is a black one with a printed teddy-bear hugging a kitten on the left thigh.

25. Hates:
Dante when he 'is being a complete ass', demons, evil wiccans, seafood (unless its sushi); extended, repeated and loud noise; being eyed-up by guys, being groped; feeling contained, being depressed. The Holy Inquisition and general witch hunters.
The movies she hates most are social movies that are hard to follow, and general sci-fi with certain exceptions (She liked 'Solaris' for some reason).
The scents she hates most is boiled broccoli and sweaty stinky guys, and she hates all ridiculously expensive lingerie (like Victoria's Secret, Pradda, Gucci or whatever else) and string panties and bikinis which she finds torturously uncomfortable.

26. Music Genres:
Alternative, Rock, Grudge and some forms of Metal and Goth.

27. Theme Songs:
Lacrymosa - Evanescence
Good Enough - Evanescence
All The Same - Sick Puppies
Slow Dancing In A Burning Room - John Mayer
Numb - Sia

28. Does he/she have a low or high self esteem?
Average.

29. Personality:
Tess a level-headed and down-to-earth personality, slightly timid which borderlines cold sometimes and has a more humane disposition than her half-fiend friend.

She is strong-willed with a steadfast resolve. Although she is overall described as mature, she has a degree of mischief and playfulness that makes her take liberties with people she feels comfortable with, like Roy or Dante.

She is stubborn, never afraid to speak her mind and has quite a temper and always tries to keep it under control. She tends to bottle it up until it blows up on someone's face, sometimes when she doesn't mean for it to. Normally she doesn't keep grudges but when she gets really mad, she can lose control of her feelings--and firestarter powers. Earning her respect can be quite a task, but thoroughly achievable (I mean, she respects Dante for some weird reason, and that's something!). Although she appears to be easygoing, she is naturally quite private, doesn't like it when people get too nosy about her and she only opens up about herself when she chooses to. This also means she gets embarrassed easily and even the slightest compliment can make her blush. She has a keen intuition and is curious enough to like looking into things that intrigue her.

Under the layers of oppression, secrets, sass and pretence, Tess is actually a very sweet, caring and somewhat shy girl that's been through a lot of violence and abuse in her life, who would like more than anything to have been just normal and who spent a long time of her life pretty lonely. This shows particularly in her attachment and loyalty to people that mean a lot to her and her motivation to help others, even when there is no gain, or puts her life in danger. Dante and Roy are possibly the only two beings that she has been completely honest and open to, and shown this more sensitive side of her.

30. History/Backstory:
It cannot be traced how far back in the history of humanity there have been some people born with unique gifts; those of witchcraft. Some cultures have called them children of the moon, others children of demons. They have been declared to be a myth. They simply call themselves children of men. They have existed, testimony to the belief that there is something more to man than mortality; something unexplained, like the powers of the wiccans. For centuries after centuries, they practiced their craft, benevolent as healers, defenders, wise folk and sages of what became known as the Right-Hand Path, or malevolent hex-doers, poisoners, destroyers and worshipers of the demons, the Void Path. They were appreciated, liked, loved...or hated and persecuted.

The Dark Knight Sparda did find them allies to his cause and many wiccan bloodlines fell forever in his crusade against the Underworld. Many fought against brothers and sisters, the ones embracing the demons. In gratitude, Sparda saved many wiccans from death by the hands of fellow man. The 'witch hunts' were not always mere follies of uneducated, dark times. Many victims were true wiccans, led to death by foul play. Hundreds died, burned on the stake, hanged, stoned to death and murdered in countless other ways. But the wiccan blood endured in time.

One of these remaining wiccan lines, later became known as the Templar line, prided in being among those wiccans to stand alongside the Dark Knight in the final confrontations. And the one to have been wounded the most by the darkness. The line was divided, right at its start and one of their own cursed them. Death should always have the Templars in its cold clutch, ever waiting to snuff out their lives in pain and suffering. The Seal of End weighs heavily on the Templar line, to ensure a painful and horrifying death to the wiccans of this line in the prime of their lives.

Tess' mother, Sophie Templar, was the last surviving Templar after her father's death. She was a very feisty and energetic young woman with intricate powers of shamanism. She disagreed a lot with her mother, Magda, about her liberal thinking and dislike of the rule-driven life her mother imposed upon her, since the family was so plagued by death. Sophie was just a young woman thirsty for life. She did run away from home once, when she was 17 and found out she'd bitten off more than she could chew when a demon persistently began hounding her in order to kill her. This was the time when vagabond Eric Stramer entered her life.

Eric was born to a completely human family somewhere in Norway, but somehow exhibited the ability to create and manipulate fire without being any kind of known supernatural creature or wiccan. Flames bent to his will and every whim, the worst of fire did not seem to ever harm him. This unexplained power was his gift and his curse. People said he was a changeling, a non-human child swapped for a human infant. Of what kind, they had no idea. While he was still an infant, a demon lord slaughtered his family and took him into the upper layers of the Underworld, to raise him as a soldier of his will. Up to the age of 25, Eric was a soldier of the Underworld, known for the ferocity and relentlessness of the flames and lava that he could invoke upon anyone and anything he pleased. He was raised as a hitman, taught no mercy, no humanity and to never question.

But someday, for some reason, Eric got fed up being a servant to any master. He didn't start a war, he didn't revolt, he didn't fight--he simply walked away. Having no knowledge of human family on earth and no real experience of living in the human world, he wandered as a vagabond in a world he knew only as hostile until then. Then he stumbled into Sophie Templar. At first his reaction was quite abrupt and violent (witches had so far been his enemies). What started as yet another battle between a witch and a (former) minion of the Underworld took a completely new turn when the same demons came after both, to kill Sophie as witch and to take Eric back.

In the ever-necessity of 'my enemy's enemy is my friend', they succeeded in removing the threat of the demons--and in the process fell in love. It didn't take much really. All Eric wanted was to live his life as he pleased and Sophie shared that wish, to escape her oppressing mother.

Ironically, the wiccans had suffered greatly from Eric during the time he still obeyed the demons. This is why they hunted him down so fiercely after hearing about his betrayal. Eric was no longer interested in fighting though and more often simply pushed them back and fled rather than stand his ground decimate them as he had done in the past. After he became closer with Sophie, she tried often to defend him against her own people and tried to make them realize he was no longer a threat to them as long as they let him be. But the wiccans were not willing to trust him after the deaths he had caused. Sophie was alienated by the wiccans for her relationship with Eric and her attempts to reason with them soon were reduced to simply attempts of driving them away.

Magda of course did not approve of this union, nor that her daughter wanted to marry so young and did everything in her power to prevent it. Sophie's only ally in this was the family familiar, Roy. It was the time when the Dark Knight Sparda still tread among mankind and came across the pair, while looking for Eric. It seems that news of Eric leaving the Underworld got Sparda concerned about him wandering the world, in the same way the wiccans had been alarmed. But he too saw that neither Eric, nor Sophie wanted any further implication in the eternal feud of the Underworld and the human world. Who knows, perhaps Sparda's own love for his human wife was touched and he assisted the couple in a way--he vouched for Eric to the wiccans and persuaded them to let the couple be. Probably mostly out of fear rather than respect, the wiccans agreed. To top it off, Sparda was witness to their marriage, a witness Magda dared not defy.

Completely disregarding Madga's threats, resentments and indignation, Eric and Sophie eloped and went on to live together. Eric, good with his hands, cut out a living as a carpenter and metallurgy craftsman and became rather famous for his artistic streak. Roy, ever-loyal to the Templars, helped out here and there but Sophie's love for her mother had him looking after her more than sticking around their household.

Not long after this the couple welcomed a child into the world, a girl. Named Stephany by her father, 'the crown' of his heart as her name was to mean, but called Tess after one of her mother's deceased childhood friends, Tess was as restless and mischievous as any child could be and enjoyed the love of her parents. She was particularly close with her father; for having been used to only destruction for so long, Eric was particularly fascinated by creation instead and the birth of a child became important to him. She was but an infant when it became clear she took after her father: she had his fiery-red hair and his aptitude to create and manipulate fire according to her mood, whims and thoughts, though not as potently complete; she could still burn herself and lose control of it. Her mother's heritage held strong too: she could intuitively understand where magic was at work.

She was discovering the nature of her primary wiccan gift when tragedy entered her life for the first time; she saw her parents die and witnessed Hell in all its power for the first time. When she was but 5 or 6, demons came again for the Templars: to slay the traitor Eric and his witch wife and take away his daughter, who had inherited his unique affinity with fire. Her father and mother perished in the ensuing fight to defend their home and child from the demons, slain right before her plain view, causing her a deep trauma that affected the way she related to others. It made her almost unable to attach herself to others and timid. It is also the event that seemed to lay behind her later, apparent selflessness to help and protect others, especially from the Underworld.

After killing her parents the demons sent for the kill dragged her out of her hiding place violently to take her away, ignoring that unlike her father, her firestarting powers were deeply linked with the very different powers of wiccan blood.

It has been said that wiccan powers within a witch have a life of their own, always bound to the life of the body they dwell in. When Roy reached the house the day following the attack, he found it burned to cinders and the sand demons all reduced to heaps shattered glass and molten iron. Tess was the only survivor, strewn out among the ashes of her home in a pitiful condition. He brought her back to the house of her grandmother and for several weeks she would eat almost nothing, never spoke a word and wouldn't let go of Roy for anything. She only screamed once in her crying that 'she knew it was going to happen', something which puzzled Roy.

Magda raised her (albeit a bit begrudgingly) with Roy, unable to let go of the resent she held for her father, Eric. Madga never specifically said she hated or loved Tess, but in reality rather loved her while bitterly seeing in her as much of her mother as of her father. Magda hated Eric and hated the part of Tess that came from Eric. She was old, a little cranky, a bit forgetful and very strict. She was always displeased that Tess turned as rebellious and liberal as her mother.

As she grew older in the care of her grandmother who resented her because of her father, Tess became a tomboy, headstrong, sarcastic, outspoken when provoked and unafraid of what others thought of her. Yet she was very quiet, distant and somewhat cold and most definitely, very much lonely. For many years she watched people come and go in the apartment building her grandmother owned and Roy ran. She never seemed to feel anything but sarcasm and resent for anyone, except Roy.

Due to Magda's berating of Eric's influence in her, Tess became very insecure about her powers and very bitter towards Magda, whose constant resent for her caused Tess to subconsciously feel useless, making her powers dwindle into weakness. Magda never believed Tess' claims of predicting things, dreaming of things that had happened and she knew nothing of and of 'signs' about things to come, thinking the girl had become mentally unstable from the trauma of the demon attack.

Tess withdrew much into herself and became a rather unfeeling girl. Besides Roy, nobody saw her long enough to see her cry or smile. She never exhibited the kind of powerful firestarting as she had the night her parents died. It was terror and self-preservation that set her powers off like that and the resulting shock and further mental abuse by Magda had withered them down in her adolescence. Roy was uneasy, seeing her unspoken suffering and loneliness. He was concerned, as a friend would and should be.

She was 16 when the first person to shake her up and ever get more than a cold stare from her set foot into the building...And when the Sparda blood came face to face with the Templar line, one more time. But Tess and Dante were both just teenagers then, both unaware of the legacy they each carried and they were only interested in getting to each other's nerves by bickering like cat-and-dog. How they eventually managed to become such good friends, is indeed a very, very odd thing.
Last edited by ElvenAngel on Tue Feb 05, 2008 3:48 pm, edited 5 times in total.
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#2 Post by VV » Fri Dec 14, 2007 9:58 pm

Added the pentagram one into favs. It's just too pwnsome.
BTW, did you color all that with a tablet?
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#3 Post by ElvenAngel » Fri Dec 14, 2007 10:12 pm

Yup. Tablet is love! X3
:3 As is Photoshop. XD
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#4 Post by Jebryath » Sat Dec 15, 2007 8:18 am

Her adult character is extremely childish. It's too far out of my fields of interest for me to be willing to go much farther in analysis.
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#5 Post by ElvenAngel » Sat Dec 15, 2007 4:55 pm

Jebryath wrote:Her adult character is extremely childish. It's too far out of my fields of interest for me to be willing to go much farther in analysis.
Okay, you obviously cannot read. I specifically said I wanted "feedback and critique and above all helpful suggestions on improvement" and you offered nothing of the sort. Just a load of uncreative and unhelpful crapola...

>_> I mean, just what the hell do you mean by 'childish' and 'too far out of my fiends of interest'... Especially the second, you do NOT help me at all with that vague nonsense. What you're saying is that she doesn't appeal to YOU and you alone. That is hardly a helpful comment, since of course I can't please everyone.

How about you drop that self-centered way of thought, and give me some constructive criticism?
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#6 Post by key » Mon Dec 17, 2007 12:48 am

Though he can be helpful, sometimes its best just to ignore Jebryath :P

Well you've put a hell of a lot of thought into that character of yours. It was beyond my attention span to read the whole thing but i give it a (b")b.

It seems a little bit of a repeat to some past characters I've seen in other animes/games though but its downright impossible to make a brand new character these days when pretty much everything has been taken. XD

Well the last thing I gotta say is: LETS ROCK!!!

random; yes, but I just love to say that. :p
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#7 Post by ElvenAngel » Mon Dec 17, 2007 3:54 pm

k3yblad3 wrote: Well you've put a hell of a lot of thought into that character of yours. It was beyond my attention span to read the whole thing but i give it a (b")b.

It seems a little bit of a repeat to some past characters I've seen in other animes/games though but its downright impossible to make a brand new character these days when pretty much everything has been taken. XD
XD; I suppose then that the best I should do right now is try to make it easier on the eye and shorter.

:p and yeah. its getting downright annoying that you can't create a character and end up with something original. Originality is comatose!

Not dead yet, just... getting there XD;

:p thanks for your opinion. <3
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#8 Post by key » Mon Dec 17, 2007 6:12 pm

no problem XD
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#9 Post by Jebryath » Wed Dec 19, 2007 9:19 pm

ElvenAngel wrote:Okay, you obviously cannot read. I specifically said I wanted "feedback and critique and above all helpful suggestions on improvement" and you offered nothing of the sort. Just a load of uncreative and unhelpful crapola...

>_> I mean, just what the hell do you mean by 'childish' and 'too far out of my fiends of interest'... Especially the second, you do NOT help me at all with that vague nonsense. What you're saying is that she doesn't appeal to YOU and you alone. That is hardly a helpful comment, since of course I can't please everyone.
I mean that I don't generally read the genre of book, so I wasn't going to critique your plot or settings. I threw in the comment about Tess since my fairly quick scan of the topic seemed to suggest that you were focusing on characters anyway, and hers seemed problematic.

To elaborate on childish, though, read the stuff you have posted for her. How different is adult Tess from sixteen year-old Tess? What I see looks like the same character. People do change as they age. And, usually, people who have actually been in real relationships are a bit less prone to blushing and yelling about how they don't have crushes. Or giving "you pick on me" as a reason for crying. I'm not seeing a believable character for a woman here, I'm seeing a believable character for a girl. A pretty young girl.

As far as it being that it doesn't please me, you're wrong. Your entire story doesn't please me, hence my being reluctant to go far in-depth with it. The character of the girl herself seeming somewhat interesting was part of what actually got me to scan the topic closely enough to find the examples of dialogue. What I saw was not something that seemed remotely like an actual person. I've said it a few times in the past, but I'll say it again: I'm not arrogant enough to believe that my opinions differ spectacularly from the norm. When I find myself unable to believe that a character is anything but a sixteen year-old girl, at a generous estimate, I'm not particularly inclined to think that most people would find her too terribly different. If you feel that she's not childish, then say that you're happy with how her character has developed and be on your way. Christ, it's not like I said you're a bad writer. I just said she's acting like a kid and fanfiction doesn't interest me, so I'm not going to criticize the story as a whole.
How about you drop that self-centered way of thought, and give me some constructive criticism?
How about you drop that self-centered way of thought, and write your own fucking story?

Don't go apeshit on critics. It makes you look bad. Sure, I may piss you off, but that doesn't mean that there's much point in writing three paragraphs bitching because I said I had an issue with one character and I don't read this sort of "like our world, but with all this stuff added" fantasy. Particularly when it's fanfiction as well. Honestly, I don't see the point in writing a story in an established universe. Look at Forgotten Realms books - the best authors are the best partially because they don't utilize a lot of characters or settings from other areas. Look at Neil Gaiman, look at Chuck Pahlaniuk. Using pre-established characters limits your creativity, it removes your legal rights to the story, and it often leads to plot conflicts that could have been easily avoided.

If you wanted a more detailed analysis, you could have simply asked instead of being a dick and getting a more hostile response in return.

At any rate, though, I'll avoid posting in your future topics unless I have some masturbatory comment on your artwork to give you, since that seems to be more of what you're looking for.

Before I leave, though, I'm going to quickly give you one of my semi-canned spiels: Proofread everything you write. Bad habits don't go away when you say you want to write properly, they sneak in. A few typographical errors are inevitable, and the rules of English grammar are admittedly absurdly constructed. That doesn't mean, however, that egregious errors such as "fiends of interest" are anything but the process of apathy. Errors remove precision and meaning from your statements.
It seems a little bit of a repeat to some past characters I've seen in other animes/games though but its downright impossible to make a brand new character these days when pretty much everything has been taken.
Bleh. I'm quite sure that someone said that the day before the release of The Curious Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. There's always new ground. I don't even know that it really gets harder as time goes by - the trick to an original thought is that you've got to be thinking of something different anyway. If nothing else, having all of the character types we have today makes for such richly detailed composite characters that people will think they're original. Heh.
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#10 Post by ElvenAngel » Thu Dec 20, 2007 1:57 am

*points to the previous comment* Much, much more like it!! Thank you!!
How different is adult Tess from sixteen year-old Tess? What I see looks like the same character. People do change as they age.
If you mean that artistically, I will blame it on my very moderate art skills. I can't seem to grasp how to make different ages look. If you mean it in terms of personality description, then I simply will go back to that bit and work it a bit more, and get back to you on it. And no, I can't do it in a flash, I like to think changes over a bit before I make them. :p
And, usually, people who have actually been in real relationships are a bit less prone to blushing and yelling about how they don't have crushes.
'Usually' being the word. One of the things I stress a lot with this character is that she's a bit self consious, and having had a few relationships doesnt change that. A random compliment from anyone, not even necesarilly a man, will make her blush, as would a random embarassing situation. She's somewhat of a 'good girl' deep down. Hell maybe that's the only thing I have in common with this girl, I go red whenever someone compliments me on something.
Or giving "you pick on me" as a reason for crying.
Um, yeah, I figured you'd interpret this wrong. She's crying because of all the big-time crap that led up to that particular scene, and its a long story. I'll just say that for about half the story he thought she was on the side of 'the enemy' and nearly almost killed her. And 'you pick on me' is her way of sarcastically pointing that out to him, because he did pick on her a lot while they were kids. It didn't make her cry then, just got her very mad.
How about you drop that self-centered way of thought, and write your own fucking story?
Tough luck, I am. Two different original ones, in fact, besides this fanfic.

Yes, I was a bit out of line in some of my comments, and I apologize. I was a bit frustrated at a personal issue (allow me to not disclose it here) and you should remember that pissed-off people aren't always the wisest when typing responses over the Internet. I didn't mean to go apeshit on you and I don't actually feel I was all that rude. Yes, when I'm really ruse, I can be terrible, and I don't even like being so myself. The examples of dialogue are bits I wrote at random, and I should probably remove them. They're not the best way to judge a character.
Honestly, I don't see the point in writing a story in an established universe.
How about: Being able to utilize someone else's ideas and create a whole new story shows that you're able to use language well, and that your imagination is able to adapt new ideas into existent settings succesfully-- this happens to be just as hard as coming up with new ideas.
And in a shorter way: This is what inspired me.
At any rate, though, I'll avoid posting in your future topics unless I have some masturbatory comment on your artwork to give you, since that seems to be more of what you're looking for.
No, in that case don't post at all. That is NOT what I'm looking for. Like it or not, I still have a certain degree of professionalism to me to not want your plain fap-crap.
Bleh. I'm quite sure that someone said that the day before the release of The Curious Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. There's always new ground.
Oh yes, its VERY fair to compare an amateur with one of the great canon writers. Reeeeeeeally fair. </sarcasm>

I never said I'm trying to be the new Tolkien. I write for my enjoyment, and my REAL enjoyment is when other people enjoy what I've written, which is why I'm struggling to improve.

On second thought, your post hardly had anything constructive other than contempt, and a lot of it. You're the one who's gone apeshit like a kid because someone told you off. I mean, lol, you wrote more than I did.
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#11 Post by Jebryath » Thu Dec 20, 2007 9:24 am

On second thought, your post hardly had anything constructive other than contempt, and a lot of it. You're the one who's gone apeshit like a kid because someone told you off. I mean, lol, you wrote more than I did.
This is called escalation.
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#12 Post by Jebryath » Thu Aug 12, 2010 9:19 am

Bump for trolling. I'd forgotten how bad this story was. It's like she thought the Mary Sue checklist was a seal of quality.

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#13 Post by meido » Fri Aug 13, 2010 10:27 pm

what the heck
hates string panties and bikinis which she finds torturously uncomfortable.
this is the biggest tip-off that this character is a blatant mary sue self-insert.

(hint: elvenangel is fat as hell)
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#14 Post by Jebryath » Fri Aug 13, 2010 11:36 pm

Hey, at least she gives really good backrubs/massages. That's pretty unique.

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#15 Post by Corafus » Sun Aug 15, 2010 2:27 am

Ugh. That was unreadable.

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#16 Post by key » Sun Aug 15, 2010 7:13 pm

Alright.
Last edited by key on Thu Oct 21, 2010 4:24 am, edited 1 time in total.
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#17 Post by Jebryath » Mon Aug 16, 2010 12:23 am

Says the man whose avatar is an out-of-context gif from a seventy-one year old movie.

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#18 Post by Andy » Mon Aug 16, 2010 12:44 am

This is one of my favorite threads on PB.
War were declared.

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#19 Post by Demyra » Mon Aug 16, 2010 8:15 am

key wrote:Man you guys are mmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnn. Almost 3 years ago. Count em if you want. Still trolling this poor child. Shame. Shame on you all.
Valid point. A million years later, she won't be back, I don't see why resurrect any of her topics irregardless of views of her or her writing.

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#20 Post by Charles » Mon Aug 16, 2010 11:51 pm

I tried to read at least half of the whole thing but my brain imploded after the 6th paragraph of #9 and decided to stop there.

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#21 Post by Gerbil X » Sat Aug 28, 2010 2:42 am

Wow, Jeb was a dick back then. >.>
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#22 Post by Jebryath » Sat Aug 28, 2010 3:59 am

The funny part is, I just was trying to avoid telling her that her story was fucking garbage and she should write a different one. Whoops.

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